Using prayer to believe

This semester I am focusing on learning to believe.  I have chosen to believe that the Savior is waiting to teach me and now I am realizing that I have to learn how to believe that He is always there, that He loves me, and that I can trust Him. It is not an easy process. As difficult as it is to explain, it is even more complicated to understand.

I don't always understand why I still feel anxiety about the future, if I believe He has a plan for me. Trials sometimes show me that my faith is much stronger in theory than in practice. Just the other night I could hardly sit still. I was worried, fearful, and at moments even angry because of a situation that I don't feel in control of and I am not sure how it is going to play out. I decided to pray because this has been working well for me lately.

What I am starting to find is that prayer need be constant because the world around us is constant and so is the adversary. We shouldn't be troubled if we find ourselves praying for the same thing over and over. It doesn't mean the Lord doesn't care if He is not comforting us 100% of the time when we seek Him in our trials. However, when we turn to Him consistently, He has an opportunity to answer our prayer with His spirit and we can learn to believe that He always will. I am beyond believing now. I really know.

We have to live in this world. That was the agreement. That doesn't mean that we have to carry on with the feelings that we are alone or with feeling overwhelmed. Experiencing those feelings is part of mortality, but relief from them through the gift of the Holy Ghost is a gift and a blessing because we are God's children.

At first, it was really difficult for me to humble myself and to trust, in those chaotic moments, that prayer would really benefit me. I just decided to try it anyway. That is how I learned to believe in prayer. I am not perfect and that might be the best discovery I have made. I don't have to be perfect to try. He wants me to try and He wants to show me I am worth it.

So, the next time I find myself struggling to feel safe, confident, worthy, or happy, I have a strong faith and I would even say the knowledge, that those feelings are not mine to keep and that I need to turn to prayer to let them go.

Alma 32:34 says that when you plant this seed of faith ... "your understanding doth begin to be enlightened, and your mind doth begin to expand."

To me this means that we don't always have to live in the prison of our minds own making where we are afraid and paralyzed with worry. We can turn to prayer and I know the Savior will be there.

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