Real-life is failure

I always knew that the way I was raised had set me up for failure. Well, that's not completely true. I found out my first year in college. I have known since then.
I am the youngest of 10 children and the way I see it, my parents were kind of "done" when my time came to prepare to launch. It was mostly my father who handled these kinds of things. Teaching me about money, what I could and mostly what I couldn't afford. How to get into a good college, meaning, just let him do it and I'll have a better chance. Don't worry about jury duty, I know how to get you out of it. You need a physical? Go get me the phone book and I'll find a doctors name to forge. My dad had it all figured out. Too bad for me, it was my life that was about to begin, not his.
My first semester in college was a total failure and it took me several years to recover.
This week in the class readings I read about the three different students. One had something against someone and could use that pain to succeed, one had been through so much hardship that they were excited about any opportunity and failure was an exciting part of the journey, the last was the student who had everything handed to them their whole life. The author mentioned, he had never once, no not once, reached one of these. Well, that's me.
I have noticed this mentality of mine at all kinds of times in my life. Previous entrepreneurial efforts have been one toe in at a time because failure is embarrassing to me. That is not how life went for me for 17 years. There is supposed to be a way to always avoid it right? I don't want to try something I might not be good at. What is the point?
I know I have since gone out and gotten some of that life experience. I have had some of those hard times and while I am not going to harbor a grudge against my father in hopes of using that steam to push me forward, I do know that I have the power to change my mindset. Failure is going to continue to be scary and embarrassing, for now. But I will get over it. I don't know how quite yet but I know I want to remember the student in me who has been through hard times and scary things. I have to remember the challenges I went through without the help of anyone in the world that got me to this point. Gratitude will keep me humble and humility will keep my head out of the clouds and from thinking that things will be handed to me. I have a desire to prove myself, to my self. I can use the new awareness to change my course.
Maybe I can be the one student that is reachable.

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